Offer comfort without minimizing the loss.Repeating the story is a way of processing and accepting the death. Your friend may need to tell the story over and over again, sometimes in great detail. Let your friend talk about the suicide.If you can't think of something to say, you can show your support through eye contact, a squeeze of the hand, or a reassuring hug. Instead, be willing to be present and show you are ready to listen when s/he is ready to speak. It's not your job to get your friend to start talking. Your friend should feel free to express feelings knowing that you are willing to listen without judgment, argument, or criticism. Don't try to reason with someone over how s/he should or shouldn't feel. Let the grieving person know that it's OK to cry in front of you, to become angry, or to break down. Some strategies to be an active listener include: Being able to discuss the enormity of the loss without being afraid and showing you can be there with their pain can be one of the most helpful things a friend can do. While you should never try to force your friend to open up when h/she is not ready, being able to have this conversation when they are ready is important. However, the grieving person often needs to feel that others are willing to acknowledge the truth of the situation. It's not unusual for well-meaning people to avoid talking about suicide or mentioning the deceased person, thinking this is helping. Often finding the right words is less important than letting your friend express him/herself and share with you the nature of the loss. Though it can be difficult to know what to say to your friend, being able to listen effectively is most important. Sometimes just asking a friend how they feel allows the opportunity for your friend to express their feelings. Don't assume you know how the bereaved person feels on any given day. Example: "I want you to know I'm here for you. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do for someone is just letting them know that you are there for them when they need you. Example: "I'm not sure what to say, but I want you to know I care." It is OK to show that you are also saddened by the loss and that you do not have all the answers. Be genuine in your communication, and don't hide your feelings.Example: "You're sad and confused about why all this happened." One way of demonstrating to your friend that you are able to hear their story is by reflecting back to them what they are saying. Example: "I'm sorry to hear that this happened. Show your friend that you are aware that this has affected them and that you are there when they need help. Always make sure you choose an appropriate time and place to have a conversation like this, so your friend can feel safe talking to you about their loss. Example: "I heard that _ died by suicide." Using the word "suicide" can be scary, but showing that you are able to talk more openly about what happened can be a way of showing that you are willing to discuss the full extent of the loss. Talking directly can be important this can show that you are not afraid to have a real conversation about the loss they have experienced. Below are some strategies for talking with a friend: Though it can be awkward or uncomfortable when you don't know what to say, in most cases what is needed is just a pair of ears that is willing to hear a friend's story. For a friend, this often means being able to sit with the grieving person and listen to his/her feelings in a nonjudgmental way, without trying to problem-solve. Often, what a grieving person needs most is a willing friend who can be there. Listed below are a few strategies that may be useful when supporting your friend: What To Say Though you cannot make the pain go away, your support can be key to helping your friend through this difficult loss. It is often hard to know what to say to a friend who has lost a loved one to suicide. Helping a Friend Who Has Lost a Loved One to Suicide
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